How often do you run on autopilot? Before you shrug your shoulders, think: of the types of people you tend to avoid. Of the one food aisle in supermarket you never visit. Of the movie genre you ignore on Netflix, and of the date invitation you’ll decline before they even ask you out. Sky is the limit, but the autopilots in our head only fly back and forth, operating on the one safe line we already know by heart.
I grew a bit tired of my own rut. You can travel all you want, but as it turns out, all your emotional baggage and misconceptions always travel with you as a fun little carry-on. So despite all the fresh stars, I often found myself falling into the same routes of thinking. It didn’t matter that I made new friends here in Amsterdam, that I started drinking green smoothies and jogging in Vondelpark and going to small indie cinemas. Even though my routine completely changed, I was still stuck in a rut.
How could the recipe ever change if you keep using the same ingredients?
We use habits to define who we are. We listen to genres, we have a type, we play favorites. Who even made these choices? And, more importantly: do we ever stop and redefine them? I certainly forget to do that, so the decision to actively challenge myself with the UNKNOWN came as a natural response to my multiple autopilots.
I hate that my Spotify thinks I’m predictable (so cocky!). I hate the thought of having “a type”.
Habits define who we are but sometimes, they turn into a broken record. Whenever I tried to push myself to redefine my taste, it felt like going against my gut. It took a while to recognize that this “gut” was, in fact, an empty story I kept telling myself out of comfort.
I’ve never liked parties like this. I could never date a person like that. Blablablah.
Fuck security, fuck comfortable. Things need to be shaken to the core once in a while. Only then you realize that while you might not be able to define yourself as a person who enjoys deep house, there are other things that matter. Things you’re not willing to give up. Things that can’t be shaken.
“It’s all about escaping the algorithm,” said Peter two months ago, and I don’t think he only meant the Spotify one. Leaving the cage of habits is hard, but oh, it’s such a sweet escape.